Deception!

I sit and think, sometimes, what is it that we humans always deny to accept? Something that we have been learning yet we keep on repeating that stuff again and again and again.

The well known fact about humans is that they change. They make promises and then they break them. They come to your life and they promise a forever but they leave you mid-way. Well, temporary is a new forever these days. And when I sit and think about what is it that we humans deny to accept is that people don’t change, they just move on.

This is a deception you know, people come to your life promising no heartbreaks, no unsaid goodbyes but everything happens because we can’t accept that everything in market these days comes with an expiry date. When that expiry date is near, arguments start and then a final goodbye.

Deception. The biggest deception is when we say we’ve a lifetime and we want to spent it with one person. But then life happens and deception fades off giving a clear picture that yes we’ve moved on! And then, finally we breakthrough one deception, moving to the other. Hence, this cycle goes on, people move on!

Advertisements

InAyA (14)

For previous chapter of this story, click here.

INAYA

Don’t worry

234451-Everything-Will-Be-Fine

He held me as if I’m a baby he’s carrying on his shoulder, with his one hand on my waist and the other one surrounded my head. I have never smelt such aroma. Mom used to tell me that people with good soul radiate their goodness in the form of their odor. I wanted to feel that hug with my eyes closed but I couldn’t gain the courage to hold him back.

But since,  Nada es permanente (nothing is permanent), swiftly Imraan started moving away and I started bringing myself to reality.

Imraan: Shall we move home?

Inaya: Yes, we’re getting late.

We sat in the car and I could see him blush. His red cheeks held my attention. I wanted to but couldn’t see if I blushed too.

Imraan: I’m not hitting on you but Your smell is attractive.

Inaya: (yours too) Thank you.

Imraan: So when are we meeting next time?

Inaya: After two days, in gym.

Imraan: You’re so blunt. Does insulting me add something to your value?

Inaya: (laughing) No it isn’t like that. I’m just being true.

Imraan: No body ever tell me such things.

Inaya: Why? Just because you’re charming?

Imraan: Woah! Atleast you admitted that I’m charming (laughing)

Inaya: No I didn’t mean that.

That was one of the finest evening of my life. Everything seemed perfect, everything. He dropped me home and I rushed because it was already 9pm. I was hopping all the way to my home, hoping if life is taking a better turn. But hopes, they are meant to be broken because as I was stepping the stairs, I could hear my mom and dad shouting. I could hear my mom throwing over the utensils. I rushed in quickly, threw my bag trying to push my dad away from my mom. My mom was all swollen up. Her face was furious and I could see my dad had scratches on his face. Hence, I was brought down from a lovey-dovey fairy tale to reality.

My mom dad had love marriage but since my childhood as I vaguely remember, I have always seen them fighting with each other over one stuff or the other. This got even worst when my dad had a huge business loss and after that all his frustration turned into domestic violence that my mom had to suffer. No body was right or wrong. Such situations are not to be judged. But the wholesome point is that I had to suffer. My brother would hardly speak up anything in between and he being younger, I never let him speak because I was the only fighter to prevent all that shit.

That day too, I pushed my father away, and asked my mom to sit in the room. I had to lock the room and keep the keys with me so that dad won’t go in and mom won’t come out. They never understood how these things were affecting me. I went inside the room locked myself in. All I could hear were the shouts of my parents.

How strong money is becoming these days? Finances of a person can control everything. Dad, mom you never know how much I love you but your own grudges never made me speak my heart out.

I hardly spoke to my parents. I would go home, late and then sleep. Even my weekends are spent in library just because I don’t want to be there when they fight, which is uncertain.

I changed my clothes, and the voices went down. I took out my phone and it showed 7 missed calls and 20 messages. It was Imraan.

I was not in a state to talk, yet I managed to drop a message : I’m home Imraan. Sorry for the late reply. Good night.

He saw my message instantly and then he called.

I’m not in a mood to pick up your call. Please stop calling me.

But he didn’t stop. So I had to pull myself together and hence, I picked up his call.

Imraan: Inaya? Are you alright?

Inaya: Yes. I’m. What happened.

Imraan: Nothing, I just wanted to say thank you for coming today.

Inaya: Thank you Imraan. I must say this.

Imraan: Hey hey hey, why are you so thankful? I admit that there are girls who die to meet me, but you need not to say thank you for being special. Now tell me why are you upset?

Inaya: No, I’m not. I’m not upset Imraan.

Imraan: Inaya, stop telling me lies. I don’t ask you, it doesn’t mean I’m not aware that you are utterly upset with something and that there’s something that is bothering you.

Inaya: It isn’t like that Imraan. I’m just not feeling good. I think I should sleep now.

Imraan: I’ll wait for the time you’ll trust me and tell me how you feel.

Inaya: Good night Imraan.

Imraan: Good night Inaya.

Even after saying good night, we both didn’t disconnect the call. I had my phone in my hands and the call continued.

Imraan, please disconnect the call.

Imraan: Inaya! baby, please, tell me what happened.

Inaya: I’m disconnecting the call. Bye.

And yes, I did that, unwillingly, but yes I did. I was crying my heart out. Cursing him, who added more to the miseries of my life and thinking if everything would be fine, ever when I saw a whatsapp message from Imraan.

“I’m here to make things fine Inaya. Don’t worry, everything will be fine, soon.”

 

~ TO BE CONTINUED

 

 

 

InAyA(13)

For previous chapter of this story, click here.

INAYA

Intrinsica

I unwrapped the gift, and as I saw a chocolate box inside, my dopamine levels were increased.

Imraan: So Inaya Pectas, how was your day today?

Inaya: It was good.

Imraan: Why good, why not excellent?

Inaya: Days can’t be excellent. Only birthdays or some special occasions could be counted under excellent.

Imraan: why do you stay so serious Inaya? Always?

Inaya: oh no.. I’m a happy-go-lucky sort of person. I don’t stay serious.

Imraan: happy-go-lucky people don’t cry.

What shall i say next?

Imraan didn’t ask me anything straight away. His ways to know about me, were always different.

Since I didn’t have any reply, I remained silent. I was a happy bee, as I recall about myself. I was a different person completely. I was someone like Imraan, curious, happy, excited.

Imraan: which song shall I play?

Inaya: Why do you want to play a song? Weather is great. Winter is coming. It’s all good this way.

Imraan: If you’ll stay quiet like this, I’ll start feeling sleepy.

Inaya: so indirectly, you’re asking me to talk.

Imraan: Duh! Yes Inaya. Please talk.

He’s so engaging. He always want people around him to chit chat. It’s been really long, I’ve met someone full of life. I guess, I should live this moment now. I’ve been waiting for this the whole day and just because of him, I can’t spoil everything.

Inaya: So where are we going?

Imraan: You must be feeling hungry. We are going for a dinner.

Inaya: Where?

Imraan: Intrinsica.

What did he just say?

Inaya: Sorry I didn’t get you.

Imraan: We’re going to central. In Intrinsica.

I don’t know what is he saying. Which outlet is named as Intrinsica? And I’ve been working in one of the most finest area. Yet.

I took out my mobile phone, slowly. And who else could’ve helped me that moment except Google?

Inaya: Are you crazy?

I bursted that moment.

Imraan: Woh woh! What happened?

Inaya: You’ve asked me for a coffee. We aren’t going to this Intrinsica.

Imraan: What happened? You don’t like their coffee? They’re the finest in the world.

Inaya: I’m telling you I AM NOT GOING THERE.

My voice raised and yes I became too furious that moment. He looked at me and swiftly parked the car on a side.

Imraan: Why do you panic? What is it? Tell me honestly.

Inaya: I’m simply asking you that I can’t go to that place. You can drop me home if you don’t want to go any where else.

Imraan: I know you don’t want to betray Starbucks but I thought we could have dinner there too.

Inaya: it’s not about Starbucks. It’s about Intrinsica.

I sank myself in the seat, with my hands closed and my eyes trying to find a place to hide. Imraan took a deep breath and leaned towards me.

I looked at him and his intriguing eyes, didn’t made me look away then.

Imraan: We’re friends Inaya. Tell me what’s wrong? You can tell me right?

That moment, I decided to tell him the truth.

Inaya: I can’t sip in a coffee which costs 1500 bucks.

And there it was, a disgusting laughter.

Inaya: stop laughing please. Don’t make my fun.

Imraan: I’m not making your fun but you looked so cute while confessing that. Okay, tell me where do you want to go?

Inaya: let’s have a cheat meal today with a coffee.

Imraan raised his left eyebrow, turned his face a little towards me and took a U-turn.

That night, we sat in his car, with a plate of dimsum and a grande of Starbucks.

Imraan: How do you know this place?

Inaya: I used to come here in my college days.

Imraan: this is a nice place. Roadside outlets. I liked it.

Inaya: you did?

Imraan: Yes ofcourse. By the way I never ate something while sitting in my car. This is the very first time.

Inaya: You’re lucky enough. Whenever I come here, I have to stand and eat.

Imraan: why don’t you buy a car.?

Inaya: Two reasons – first is obviously money and second I don’t know how to drive.

Imraan: oh okay. Are you done? Let’s go out and throw these boxes in the trash.

Inaya: oh yes!

As we were coming back, Imraan rushed towards the other seat and asked me to sit on the driver’s seat.

Inaya: What are you doing? Why aren’t you sitting on this seat.?

Imraan: Because I want you to drive.

Inaya: No way Imraan. I’ll hit someone. I’m not even a beginner, I’m zero.

Imraan: Stop being scared about things inaya, I’m sitting here, right next to you.

His voice was composed as ever. He told me how to start the engine. And as I did that, I started jumping in excitement for I started a Porsche by my own. That was enough for me.

Inaya: I did it. Now come back to your place we’re getting late.

Imraan: (stepping out) Someday I’ll teach you how to drive.

We were crossing each other to be seated where we’re meant to and he held my wrist and asked me to stand in front of him.

He stared at me and that smile, i could see that again.

Inaya: what?

Imraan: I don’t know, its just that you’re extremely beautiful.

Inaya: Liar you’re. And to how many girls have you said this?

Imraan: you are the fourth.

Inaya: such a flirt.

Imraan: First is granny, second is mom, third is Azmi aunty and fourth is standing here.

I stood there, quiet, without even asking him to leave my hand.

Imraan: Can I ask you something Inaya?

What?

Inaya: What?

Imraan: Can I hug you once. I’ve never asked any girl for this. I don’t know i don’t feel like giving you a casual good bye hug.

I didn’t had the answer.

What Inaya? Say yes.

Inaya: Umm.

Imraan: Only if you’re comfortable.

Inaya: Umm, okay.

He was expecting a denial i suppose. And my yes, brought a huge smile on his face. He came close to me with certain millimeter steps and when he finally held me, though my heart was coming out, my storms were calm. Imraan’s arms were a relief that I was heavily searching for.

~ TO BE CONTINUED

Fuck Off

When I was 13, I met a girl.

She was sitting outside my window and I saw her weeping. A decade older than me, Beauty she was, as I could see her cheeks shine more than her tears in the moonlight. She sat, sobbing.

I couldn’t resist myself and I asked,” why are you crying so badly??” She looked above, I can see her watery eyes dripping of tears as if clouds running cats and dogs, and then to my surprise she turned her face away. I asked her the same question again and then she said “Fuck off.”

This word is unpleasant to hear from anyone and if there would’ve been a guy in her place I would have slapped him in the first place but to her grief, I took a deep breathe and said, ” I want to help you. But first tell me the reason why are you crying?”

This time without even looking at me she said ” Fuck off!”

I kept calm and tried to reach out my hand to her from my window. ” May be you’re homeless, it’s cold outside, come you can sleep with me in my room.”

I don’t know what I did but she turned furious smashed her hand on mine rejecting my proposal and screaming ” Fuck off, Fuck off, Fuck off”  as hard and as loud as she could.

That was the limit of my patience and I shouted back on her, ” What the hell is your problem? Don’t you know any other word than this? It is so vulgar. Are you even aware about the meaning of this word?”

” Go away ” She whispered silently

“huh?” I remarked

“Meaning of this vulgar slang is go away” she reiterated.

I was dumb stuck then. I didn’t know what to speak next.

Mom always prohibited me from speaking such words. Friends would over react if in case you ever speak a word like that, and their responses always told me one way or the other that this word was something you can’t speak as it defines your character.

We learn from people around us without even thinking if their understanding of something is even right or not. This is life.

We’re born as sheep in a herd. Following somebody always. And that, is important for the initial days of our existence as it helps us to learn and understand a lot of things. But things start going wrong when you keep on believing things without even taking pain to understand them from core. To things, here, I refer people, words, books, equations everything.

But the one who tries to learn things from the core without blind faith are the ones who transform as a lion in the herd and moves away from them. That girl, was broken may be, sad about something, but she was strong and she held herself without any help. She was the lion to me then.

.

.

.

.

And today, after 10 years, I see her every day, in the mirror. 🙂

 

 

InAyA (12)

For previous chapter of this story, click here

INAYA

Balloons

The days after that day were not the same. My mornings would start with Imraan’s good morning and would end with his good night. The struggle I was going to move on from him was not a struggle anymore. I would work in office happily and I would do more intense workout in gym. Now I had Erica, Aslan and none other than Imraan to help me through it.

As a routine, everyday we all would go to the heath shop and after that all of us would depart.

By this time, I knew a little about Imraan. Though we would talk alot but, I’ll never say that I knew him completely by then. We humans always lead a life of perception, believing that the people we live with, we know them, whereas the reality, the bitter reality is that we can spend our whole lives with a person and his single move can shatter our belief.

Since Imraan’s coffee proposal, Imraan would send me a good morning message with a coffee emoji just to make sure if I was ready for coffee that day. And I was literally enjoying that, not denying him but his different ways to ask me for a coffee date.

He would send me a good morning message by 10pm, which is almost half day for me, but that’s the major difference between a job and a business. I envy him for that always. It was like the eleventh day of our whatsapp conversation, when I was sitting and working in the office and I felt a need to go washroom.

Oh fuck! I’m down. I can’t go gym today. I hate being a girl just because of this stupid shit.

I came back to my seat and it was Imraan’s message with a simple good morning. He didn’t ask me for coffee that day.

How rude.! He could have asked me today. I wouldn’t have denied. Anyway I won’t be going to gym today and I have already submitted my assignment so I have nothing to do after reaching home? What now?? Shall I ask him? Oh no, I won’t make this move.

Just like an overthinker, yes this is what I’m I sat there thinking this crap when he sent me a message :

Imraan: Coffee today?

Inaya: When?

Imraan: 4.30 pm?

Inaya: I’ll leave by then, it will take me some time to reach.

Imraan: Would you mind if I’ll come to pick you up?

Insane he is? Will he come all the way 40kms just to pick me up from here?

Inaya: Are you sure?

Imraan: Yeah why not? I have a meeting today from 12, it’ll end by 3 most probably. After that I’ll come.

Inaya: Okay.

It was a happy day for me. I was working with full zealth that I forgot the pain of my cramps. I ate happily.

If I would’ve known this before, I could’ve worn that shirt. But no, it’s fine. I shall not raise his expectations. I’m best the way I’m. Anyway I’m looking better than what i looked in library.

I turned off my computer around 4.20 that day, I went to washroom, just to comb my hairs again, put my perfume on and then lipstick was the final touch up. Yes, I was excited to see him that day.

I punched out my card I stood in lift lobby waiting for the lift to come.

Ding Dong. Lift was there. As the door opened, the smile of my face faded away. It was him. In the shirt that I gifted him. I stood there blank, craving for more oxygen, trying to resist the tear that would fall from my eye, he was looking at me, I was looking at him and gradually lift closed. I missed the lift and all my happiness vanished.

Stop it Inaya. Yes, it was him, Yes you’re feeling like hell. But that’s fine. You’ve to be fine.

I pulled myself together. I went down stairs and it took me a while to remind myself that Imraan would be here. I took out my mobile. 5 missed calls it showed.

I picked up his 8th call. The time from 5th call till 8th was spent in figuring out whether I shall go or not.

Imraan: Are you okay Inaya?

Inaya: Yeah I’m fine. Where are you?

Imraan: Under the footover bridge behind your tower.

Inaya: Yeah, I’m coming.

I shall not do this to imraan.

I was crying, crying deep inside and those tears were resting on my eye lashes when I saw so many balloons in Imraan’s hand. He was dressed in formals, as he told me he had a meeting that day, and that mixed feeling of being heartbroken and overwhelmed left me in tears.

You can’t be weak Inaya. Hold yourself. Think about Imraan stop being selfish.

I wiped the tears off my face and put a smile instead.

Inaya: What made you bring these?

Imraan: This smile. 😊

Inaya: These balloons? Where’ll i keep them?

Imraan: I want you to release these balloons in the sky and with that, I want you to release the reason your eyes are watery for!

I was speechless that moment. He noticed the moisture of my eyes. And he is not even asking me what is it that makes me sad over and over again.

Inaya: they’re so beautiful, heart shaped, polka-dotted. Why do you want me to release them?

Imraan: hold these Inaya. And just imagine what made you cry is the reason you’re holding these balloons for. just think of the reason you’re sad for. And then ask yourself if you want to hold on to that reason or not.

I did the same as he told me to do. I closed my eyes and thought about the pain that he has given me. I reminded myself about the sleepless nights that I spent with him. And that grip was loosened by its own. And when I opened my eyes, gone were the balloons in the sky like a memory that i held too long and rested on my face was a smile. I turned back and Imraan, stood there with his hands crossed, shrugged his shoulders a little and smiled.

He raised his eyebrows telling me to sit in the car. He sat on driving seat and when i opened the gate on my side, there was a gift on my seat. I picked that up and sat with gift in my hands. A card on that gift read *for the lady I’m taking on a coffee date*.

I couldn’t explain how it felt. I looked at him, he looked in my eyes, and as he started the engine of his car, I knew this will be one of the most beautiful ride of my life. 💗

~ TO BE CONTINUED

Emotions..

It’s 9p.m. I sit on a chair with my back supported and my legs on the couch. Don’t imagine please.

And i stare up in the sky for I, I mean I, Twinkle Gupta has been told to write about emotions. For those who know me, define emotions for me in various ways.

Someone who has seen the foodie side of mine, for him, food is an emotion to me. Bring me good food and see my adrenaline going down resulting into a smile on my face.

Someone who has seen me in the gym, knows, pulling an extra weight plate or doing an extra set of any exercise increases dopamine and makes me happy.

Someone who has seen me achieving, knows, how getting a recognition can add levels to my confidence and makes me happy.

But what these someone don’t know is, emotions are a lot more for me.

Someone who has loved me, or who has been loved by me, has seen every side of emotion that I hold. Emotions are something I can’t fake in a relationship. I might scold my boyfriend for not doing the things in the right way and next moment i might hug him feeling sorry for my harsh words. Emotions for me comes out in the night when I cover my insecurities with the blanket, I call him up and I cry for something that shouldn’t happen, but it did. Emotions for me comes when I have to get up in the morning and face the bitter world again and then too, holding myself even more stronger and telling him that I’m fine, is an emotion, isn’t it? Color black, beautiful words, a kiddish smile, a sound sleep, a heart touching song, everything is an emotion for me. And this category of everything is revealed in front of my loved beings.

Emotions flow in me like a tide on a full moon night, all the ups and all the downs simultaneously. Being with someone or alone never causes a difference to my emotions. What I feel, is what i have always felt and is what I’ll continue to feel without thinking about anyone’s opinion. Because in all the little things that I possess in this world, emotions are all mine. 💗

Feeling me?….

Ecstasy..

Ecstasy of my life felt when I was in my teens,

Couldn’t believe but you were the man of my dreams,

In front of my eyes,

Personality as ice,

To calm my fire,

You awoke a desire.

Ecstasy of my life was felt in your arm,

Protected with your love, world did no harm,

That touch of your lips,

Those advices, oh those tips,

About my failures and my flaws,

But My life took a pause.

~

I drifted away from you,

I was in the world, lost were your blues,

Tethered and mistaken and killed inside,

I couldn’t speak a word though you were beside,

I kept on feeling the pain on my own,

My emotions oh my, made you drown.

And one day when I pushed you away,

I realised no one bothered what I say.

It was you who made me felt stronger,

Esteem in me was the love that you ponder,

And when you were gone,

I had no one to buy me an ice cream cone.

I wandered the world, did introspection,

No one I found but you were the deduction,

Of all the fantasies that i held,

I’m sorry but it’s too late to mend.

~

But now when we sit and talk and listen,

To each other and you cook something in the kitchen,

The way that you used to do before,

I’m trying to pull my self to the core,

The pain of hurting you resides in me,

Life can’t be promised by thee,

But Moments are enough now I know

To re-live the Ecstasy I lost long ago.!